got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
