Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Randomize
