i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
