Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
