I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
