you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
