at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
