im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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