ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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