My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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