The best revenge is premature balding
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
