can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Congratulations! We have a period
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