Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
