He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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