I am in a vortex of obligation.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
