How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
