watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
