apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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