i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
