I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
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My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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