I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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