So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
