i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
