I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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