The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
