Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
