dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
