My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
