my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
