Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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