: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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