I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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