I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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