I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
