remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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