Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
