She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
