i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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