Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
