Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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