I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
