I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
