Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
