you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
