If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
