Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
