The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
