singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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