we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
