we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
