I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
