Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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