when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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