FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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