He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
