Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
