I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
