I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
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My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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