I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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