man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
