its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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