hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
True college students do jello shots in the library
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
