i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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