Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
