if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
