Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
And then he peed in my hair
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