I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
