He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
