Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
